whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
