The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
