what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
