96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
