somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
