Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
