cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
