oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
