Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
