He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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