Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
