He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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