if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize