we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
