I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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