She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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