she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
