halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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