it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize