You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
