Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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