I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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