u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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