Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sobbing to NWA
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
