Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
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He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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