i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize