So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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