i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
