Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
