NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
