do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
