I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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