So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
