I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
