im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
