Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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