Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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