My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
