Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
