he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
