From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
