I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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