I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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