I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
