Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
