Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He? As in you personified your dick?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
