i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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