you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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