im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
