textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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