Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
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You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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