I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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