I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I pour the whiskey from now on
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
