I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
