I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
