I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
