Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
