Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
