clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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