Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
