Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think a kid would responsible me up
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
