oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
