You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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