guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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