I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
