You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
