You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
