She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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