My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
