these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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