My friends, they love my intelligence
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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