I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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