You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
