Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
