did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
